I think having an air exchanger is not only good for people with aquarium but for everyone. It's a shame I've only seen them in higher end houses.I think and air exchanger will help immensely based on the change I see in pH when airing out my fishroom. The jump in pH is dramatic.
I think running kalk through an ATO can work for some people, if, like you say, it's planned out right. I've seen many members run good for a while, then, for what ever reason, their ATO dumps more than intended. DanH on here is a prime example.With some common sense, running your topoff through a kalk reactor isn't as risky as some people have been leading you to believe. Additionally, the Apex will notify you if things are going sideways. Your programming needs to provide some safety controls and some administration limits. If you are interested, I can post some suggested programming and tips.
When I tried it a couple years ago with a reactor it eventually blew kalk powder into the DT. My system can go through 2-4 gallons a day. I run a Tunze ATO. The only thing I don't like about it is every time the power cycles on it there a 40 second water dump. I guess they do that to be sure the lines are primed but I hate that there's no option to stop that behavior. Two other things I don't like about running kalk through an ATO for larger systems is the variances in Alk that happen due to the rates of evaporation. The other is if you mix it directly into your topoff water without a reactor you're putting the ATO pump at risk of failure, unless you're gravity feeding. Then the solenoid can corrode.
MY preferred way would be to use a reactor and dose with a dosing pump pushing into the reactor. Granted the type of tank someone is running plays a big part too. A LPS/Softy heavy tank with little to no SPS won't need to worry about Alk stability as much. Someone running an SPS or mixed reef that it heavier SPS would want more control of the Alk.
I agree, you shouldn't chase numbers and tinker daily trying to hit a sweet spot. You'll always be chasing and seldom be where you want it. That lack of stability will cause problems. At the same time I don't see anything wrong with having an end goal and putting a plan in place to get there. Before I was running a calcium reactor and was dosing 2-part it was real easy combined with a co2 scrubber to keep the pH above 8.1. My system is currently running a much lower pH than I'd like at 7.9-8.05, I'm not sweating though, stability is key. I have a plan to get it back up, I just haven't had time to implement it yet.IMHO, do not chase numbers. If your tank is doing well with 7.8pH (as an example), than there is no reason to chase 8.3. Sometimes you might end up cause more harm than good. Good luck!
Also, some people may just want a nice tank to look at and aren't after faster growth. For them if the pH stays above 7.8 and the system is stable all is good.